info : notes prises lors d'un seminaire de David DeAngelo.
#01 Believe in your succes
#02 Accept everything, the way it is. People dont confront the world the way it is, they complain, and do things that are ineffective, because they are living in a pretend world. Some men wish the world, women, and their situation was different. Only once you've accepted reality can you begin to change things.
#03 Take responsibility. Change from victim mentality to someone who can change things. Everytime you feel like blaming something else, stop and take responsibility to what you did. The more you feel like being a victim, the more important it is to take responsibility.
#04 Change yourself, not others. Don't try to change other people but change yourself, e.g. Dont change female behavior but adapt yourself to it to succeed.
#05 Evict your inner wussy. Show up, and kick it out. Do so methodically and formally if you have to. Sometimes it is difficult because you can be addicted to the emotional payoff of feeling victimhood (and therefore superior to your situation.
#06 Use an internal, not external frame of reference (locus of control). Look within to self-worth, not without
#07 Don't allow other's actions change our meaning of own identity. (She doesn't approve of me, people must not approve of me, I must not be worthy of approval)
#08 Eliminate failure by improving upon it. Failure is a human made invention that is based on what meaning we put onto our lives and actions. The solution is to look at the lesson you learned from the price you paid, and almost always you will find the experience itself was worth it (it was a bargain)
#09 Compare your successes only to yourself. There are two types of winning, beating someone else and achieving what you yourself wanted to achieve. It is more important to simply achieve your own goals, since that is where happiness is. Look at your progress from where you started.
#10 Dont stop evolving. There is no end to improving yourself no matter how old you get.
#11 See yourself as high-status, and act like you are high-status. Look to no other as higher than you.
#12 Stop apologizing (with rare exceptions).
#13 Stop seeking approval--it ruins your chances completely
#14 Stop giving approval, it is manipulative and the cause of much heartache. Most men unsuccessful with women are manipulative and that part of their trouble (I'm so nice a guy she doesn't deserve me). Untangle these issues. Relates to short-term, medium, and long-term gratification. Also, humans are bad at predicting how future events will make us feel. We can confuse fear of the perception of the event and fear of the actual thing.
#15 Dont trade status for approval--females wont accept this deal. It never works.
#16 Untangle the past, present, and future. Dont live in the past, (groundhog day) or obsess about some future event that will derail your present.
#17 Surround yourself with positive role models
#18 Know your purpose. Confucius say 'Man who chase two rabbits catches none'. Getting on your purpose in life and not letting any female distract is the single most important thing to attract females. They will be 'lining up'.
#19 Travel. If you dont travel you limit your options and perspective.
#20 Concentrate on the inner game, which is more important than the superficial tricks and techniques.
#21 Accept change (or Transition anxiety). For fear of being a beginner again and looking foolish, people mistakenly trap themselves in their own skill sets and dont grow. If you can just accept the momentary learning curve you will gain evolution in your life. It is just part of the evolutionary process.
#22 Learn to enjoy the process of learning more than the actual result.
#23 Never whine or complain, ever. Never criticize condemn or complain.
#24 Objectify your demons, so YOU control them.
#25 Maintain your composure at all times. 'When everyone else is freaking out, you become more focus and more centered'. If you lose composure, it means the emotion is stronger than what you can deal with. This means you have more inner work to do.
#26 Prove to yourself you can deal with rejection. Understand that others rejecting you does not have to effect your life in anyway.
#27 Learn to consciously sacrifice short-term gratifaction in exchange for long-term success.
#28 Learn to enjoy yourself in any situation, no matter what is happening around you. The more you take responsibility the better; you are responsible for generating your own experience of reality.
#29 Value yourself over any female--this is a most attractive thing you can do.
#30 Develop awareness. Most people are concerned with themselves, and should instead be aware of what is going around them. Try using your peripheral vision.
#31 Control your emotions. Don't allow yourself to be addicted to emotions. When you are addicted, you tend to subconsciously put in yourself in a situation that will bring the same emotion. Cultivate the pause between action and reaction, blocking the emotional hit.
#32 Be totally blunt, honest, and direct when it is called for. The more you are honestly blunt, the more high-status you will become. When you are pussyfooting around the issue, that is when you are being counter-productive.
#33 Learn to identify social-status by communication and body language, instantly. e.g. A high-status person will be looking away while talking, and the low-status will be staring at the high-status; or one person will have closed body language, while the other is open and smiling (low-status).
#34 Become an expert on your own self-deception habits. Everyone plays self-deception on themselves, esp. avoiding things too painful.
#35 Balance learning, practicing, doing. Everything will make sense when you move from learning to doing.
#36 Use total quality management in improving yourself, your products, and your services. You can never improve enough.
#37 Stop projecting. Usually when you hate someone, you hate something about yourself you project into others.
#38 Replace bad habits with good ones.
#39 Whenever you feel yourself losing control, just STOP. Don't judge yourself, or play the victim, just stop.
#40 Mark your territory. e.g. You rent a boring apartment, make it your own lair.
#41 Effective Leadership is about finding people who want to achieve, and helping them, not in controlling others.
#42 Stop idealising women. Men make the mistake of making more of attractive females than they desere, causing the men to then sacrifice his status as if she is perfect, when she isn't.
#43 Stop idealising relationships. They won't solve your inner problems.
#44 Let her problems be her problems; she needs to mature herself.
#45 Don't use money to win females, it doesn't work in the long-term
#46 Stop trying to impress females. It makes the wrong impression and comes across weak and like all the others. Thinking of the perfect compliment and saying is a misuse of resources.
#47 Hygiene and posture. Pay attentions to the details of your appearance. Continue to improve your voice tone, posture, clothing, etc until it becomes unconscious competance. When you take care of all the details, females notice this and want to be around you.
#48 Eliminate ticks. (e.g. Pretty girl is looking at you, immediately say 'you come over here, why are you staring at me!'. It's a mistake to look away as it comunicates insecurity.)
#49 Become the most interesting man she's ever met. Females care for status and men can improve their status with time. Females, on the other hand, must use their vanishing fertility to attract males.
#50 Set your life so that you naturally meet eligible females. You don't need to meet endless numbers of random females, since most won't be compatible.
#51 Behave as if you have a hundred women calling you everyday. Instead of calling a girl you just met, pretend you have hundreds more--so you'll call her later. If you are asked out, you might say 'I have a lot to do, how about [another day]. Oh too bad, some other time'
#52 Don't be boring or predictable. They are the enemies of attractions.
#53 Learn how to tell an interesting story (about anything). Related to #49, being the most interesting person she's ever met. The story can be about conflict, underdog's triumphing, tragedy, humour
#54 Use Cocky & Funny. Combine sassiness with humour. Astonishes her that you dared say it. Must be balanced so it isn't too arrogant or goofy. If the female laughs, it worked.
#55 Find female platonic friends like the type of lady you want. You will learn to relate to that type of female, as well as magically being surrounded by their friends. Some men have been so mistreated by females they are bitter and turn off platonic female friends; this is bad.
#56 Learn to read situations. Females are naturally able to read situations and see who is getting what. You must practice and learn this yourself.
#57 Tease--Teasing works on females. Cocky & Funny starts with a cocky phrase that begins the tease, but the funny part combines both attraction and withdrawal. Verbal equivelant to holding her hand, then pulling away.
#58 Be honest and ethical. Being directly honest gives you great power. e.g. Girl with cleavage asks why you are staring at her chest, boy says 'I'm looking at your breasts'. It is counter-productive to be ashamed of your desires.
#59 Set a boundary as soon as possible. e.g. If a girl touches you, look at where she touches you and pretend to disaprove in a humourous fashion. e.g. If a girl sits next to you in a bar says 'pretend to talk to me so this guy I dont like stays away' tell her it isn't right to take drinks from those you dont like.
#60 See the underlining meaning in every overt communication. Most overt words are simply deceptions, look beneath the surface (body language, underlying motivations)
#61 Engage her emotions and body, not mind.
#62 Turn everything into an adventure
#63 Convince yourself what is about to happen is unbelievably fun, then convince her of it
#64 Leave when they still want more--e.g. Call up and establish rapore, but hang up quickly and dont ask her out, it is unpredictable and shows power
#65 If you have a setback, go back to your basic training. There will always be some 'backsliding'
#66 Pull back when losing power/relationship, before she does it. This saves the 'friendship;
#67 Have three platonic female friends
If I can see you approach a female, I can see who you really are. All your fears and desires come into play. It also sets the tone of any relationship off.#68 Find successful men and tag along with them. Also, try to mentor someone even worse off.
cheers
